Are you following, or looking back?

Welcome to my new blog!

If you landed on this page and aren’t sure if you are in the right place, I assure you — you are. There are no accidents or coincidences in this world. Like my decision to perk up and overhaul my previous blog, Crazy Mom’s Journal… In my frenzy, I pushed a few too many buttons a bit too fast and POOF. I killed it. Of course I didn’t do it on purpose, and you could say it was an accident, but I saw it as an opportunity to start fresh with something that better represented myself and my life.

If you are new to my world and don’t know me, know this — there are many things in my past that I spent the last year of my life trying to move forward from. These events, of course, were detailed in my last blog (which was about 4 years old) and were deleted from the history books as my blog died. As with all the other things I have seen slipping from my life over the last week, I realized that my blog held me back from where I was heading. It spoke of a past that deep down I was holding onto. It’s not who I wanted to be anymore, but it was who I reflected on to see where things in life took the proverbial wrong turn.

It’s a myth, you know. There are no wrong turns in life. From the moment we’re born, we are on a crooked path. We are all sinners, yes even me. Only God and the blood of Jesus can set our paths straight, and once we start walking that path it doesn’t do much good to look back (just ask Lot). Sure, history teaches us that to see where we are going we need to see where we have been, but God tells us to instead trust Him and walk blindly towards His will, leaving the world behind. So after spending two or three hours trying to revive my blog, I stopped looking back and started clearing the path ahead of me.

As for the other things that broke my heart this week — they were not coincidentally lost to me either. There is a purpose for everything, we only need to seek out the truth, look to the cross, consider His perspective. Jesus prayed, “Let your will be done,” but he also asked, “Why have you forsaken me?” Today as I was on my knees crying out to the Father, I felt the pain of Jesus in the garden.

You see, each night I have been praying for the Lord to do His will in my life. “I’m ready God. Use me. Do with me what you want, whatever it be. This is what I’d like to do, but I’m open and available for whatever you wish.” I have been doing this for months now. Perhaps in the day to day motions of life I forgot about my request, because I didn’t put things together when life started to get rough.

My babysitting/housekeeping job ended. My freelance writing work slowed down and money got tight. My friends seemed suddenly distant and I no longer had a support system to talk to about these troubles that were popping up left and right. At the same time, I saw other brothers and sisters in the Lord slipping in the wrong direction and I began to ache for them. (Not to mention the pain over watching events unfold in Haiti.)

As I was on my knees I remembered that Jesus wanted to do the work of the Father, and what was requested of him was painful. He willingly died for us. For me, for you. Yes, he was scared; in his last hours he asked the Father if there was any other way, let it be. But there wasn’t. Dying was God’s plan, and it was a good one. It saved us all. He has a plan for all of us too, and this morning, in the moment I prayed “Why?,” I realized that I too was being prepared to help others. Single moms, like me.

The idea was planted like a seed back in October, and it has flourished since. I was going to start a ministry for Single Moms in the church, only I didn’t see how I could do it. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have a location. I don’t fit in with the women in my church and I don’t have the skills to teach. God knew better. He gave me more time by taking away my work. He gave me the freedom to make new friends as my current ones distanced themselves. He even introduced me quite suddenly to several single moms who could use this ministry. He gave me the unsolicited support of ministry leaders, servants, and other single moms in the church. He has prepared me for His work.

He has answered my prayer. He was answering it all along — I’m ready God. Use me.

And immediately, I thanked Him for His grace and mercy. His love and kindness. His ability to take a heart breaking moment, week, or year, and turn it into a catalyst to help other people who have been there… who are crying out desperately for love, hope, understanding. Or even just a hug and a prayer.

God has a similar plan for you. He didn’t just choose Jesus. He chose all of us. We are all catalysts for miracles; we only need to open our eyes, be willing to follow the straight and narrow path that salvation and His will leads us… and not look back.