The above verse has the following annotation in my NLT Bible:

4:35 – Sometimes Christians excuse themselves from witnessing by saying that their family or friends aren’t ready to believe. Jesus, however, makes it clear that around us a continual harvest waits to be reaped. Don’t let Jesus find you making excuses. Look around. You will find people ready to hear God’s Word.

Amen!

One day in May of this year, while my grandpa was in Hospice, I called my Pastor Bud to ask if he could come pray for gramps. He was busy but asked Pastor Dave Sweet to come pray for him instead. My grandpa died a couple hours after he left, with family by his side. My mom (cynical and not interested in God at the time) was so thankful grandpa could have that since he had accepted Jesus in his heart just a few months prior, before he declined. My mom wrote Bud and Dave a thank you note, but she struggled hard with gramp’s death. The months of taking care of him had caught up with her and watching him die was too much.

I had been praying for her a lot and she welcomed it. Well, last month was gramp’s would-be birthday and mom went into a week of really horrible grief. I asked her if I could invite Bud to pray with her and she said yes. Although we were never able to arrange it, I did give her one of my pocket-sized books on John 3:16. She later told me she had read a few chapters and over the next couple weeks she began asking me more questions.

We talked a lot about her past (raised and confirmed in the Catholic church, she was leery of churches in general because she equated them with condemnation.) By the way, this is something I hear quite often from people raised in a Catholic or Baptist environment. She asked me if I believed in angels and asked me what I thought about her Bible (it was a Catholic version given to her when she was 13.) She said she had been reading out of it but wanted to know if she should get a new version because she doesn’t want to stay with the Catholic denomination.

I had put all this out of my mind, until a couple days ago, when I came across the above verse from the book of John. I just happen to be in John for my daily Bible reading, and this verse hit me hard. The first thing I thought about was my mom. All of us do presume that people aren’t interested because they don’t flat out say so. But what if they’re just waiting for you to invite them in?

I sent my mom an email that very moment I read the annotation, inviting her to church with us on any Saturday or Wednesday she wants, and her answer blew me away.

YES, without any hesitation whatsoever! And not just “someday” but this very weekend, and each and every weekend her and my dad don’t have plans. We’ll ride together, she said, just let me know what time it starts and ends.

She was waiting for me, for someone — to simply ask.

What if all it takes for someone’s life to be transformed by Christ is asking them to church?

What if there are people out there right in front of you waiting to be harvested?

How many people have you just walked by, assuming they are not ready to hear about Jesus?

For their sake, ask them!  You may think they are not ready, but only God knows for sure… so go back up and read that verse and annotation again, and think of someone God would love for you to reach out to. If they aren’t ready for the harvest, at least you’re planting the seed.

I love you momma, and I can’t wait for you to join us Saturday for Bible shopping and church! <3

Sent to me by an editor at the Christian division of Random House (WaterBrook Multnomah) just after I told her my husband left me, “I Do Again” sat in a pile somewhere collecting dust for the last two years. I was almost resentful that Staci sent me the book, because when she said she had a book that might help me I never imagined it would be a book about a couple reuniting 10 years after an adulterous affair split them apart. But… Thursday night I walked by that bookcase and felt God telling me to pull it off the shelves and just read.

It was 1am and I was 111 pages into the book when I finally read what He wanted to tell me…

It wasn’t that He could save my marriage. It wasn’t that I should try to reconcile despite the lies and adultery. It was that He can make any marriage work despite what happens. He can do those things… but that wasn’t what I needed to hear.

Simply, it was that no matter what happens in our lives — whether God chooses to reconcile our relationships, take those we love away from us or keep us alone for the rest of our lives — we must love and desire Him. I prayed that night, that NO MATTER WHAT — whether single or married or childless — I would love and trust in the plan that is for me.

I couldn’t read anymore after that page, but I spent 2 hours tearfully writing in my journal about my feelings on reconciliation. The next day I told Sean I’d sign the papers but that I couldn’t do it without telling him first that I don’t think divorce was the right answer; I believe with God all things are possible, including saving a damaged relationship. I wouldn’t drag things on by contesting it, but I would be signing in disagreement. We didn’t sign any papers that day, not because we are reconciling but because it turns out they aren’t complete. But, after he left with the kids that afternoon, I felt the most at peace that I have since we separated.

I think God could restore our marriage (with a lot of work) but I am also totally confident that I have a great life ahead of me as a single mom, too. I don’t believe he will restore it, and to be honest at this point I don’t really want restoration, but this realization (that He could if He wanted to and will if He thinks it’s best) was still very healing.

Saturday I felt the most amazing calm and confident hope, ready to accept whatever life had to bring my way. Little did I know that the faith I showed in my prayers Thursday night would be tested, but you should know — if you declare your allegiance to God “no matter what” — the devil will make sure you mean just that…

Unfortunately, the church elders disagreed and feeling rejected, I actually left the church for about 7 or 8 months. I thought, “If God wants me to do this, I need to go where I can do it.” I loved my Calvary Chapel home and didn’t want to leave, but I felt slighted a bit. I knew the reason the church wouldn’t let me use space in their building or bulletin but I couldn’t understand how they couldn’t see the need.

Being a single mom is often like being a widow. It’s hard stuff.

Facing the roadblock, the girls and I went to the local CMA. They have classes and small groups for everything from grief to divorce, so I had a figured it was a good start. It wasn’t meant to be though. The place is larger than Calvary Chapel and the girls and I didn’t feel at home. The teaching style is different and there is more emphasis on paying tithes than on the good news. It just didn’t settle nicely, so I gave up on the idea of a single mom’s fellowship and returned to my Calvary Chapel Chico home.

It was hard at first, I admit, brushing the chip off my shoulder and moving on, but it was worth it. I love that place and I can’t imagine being anywhere else. We have been back there since late summer. Just after Thanksgiving, Pastor Bud, Pastor Justin, and some other guy (sorry some other guy!) baptized me and the girls at the same time. It was a cold and rainy night in an outdoor pool, but it was worth it!

So anyway, tonight God spoke up about those plans I threw aside.

I was having a bad afternoon, feeling lonely. First, he put things in perspective and reminded me that if I have a relationship with Jesus, I am never alone. Actually, the DJ on Air-1 said that, but it may as well came from God himself. Then an hour later on a 20-minute drive in the dark night, I was reminded of His plan. He brought up the ministry for single moms.

Ugh! I was immediately filled with questions and frustration.

How can I do it? I tried once before and I was shot down. I don’t have time for this. I’m not a strong enough leader. Where would we meet? What if nobody showed up. Yada yada yada.

He has all the answers, as always. Some of them came to me right away, others didn’t. But I was overwhelmed with a peace about it. I was also reminded that while things don’t always go smoothly, they work out just the way they should according to His plan, which is ALWAYS good. I needed to get up, dust myself off and try again.

So, this is where I’m starting. Right now.

By announcing (again) the idea to put together this fellowship, I hope to hold myself accountable and gather support from other single parents – Christian or not. In the beginning, there may be a lot of work for not a lot of return, but I really see some great potential for this. I will also need help, though I’m not entirely sure how or in what form. I already have a domain name set up from earlier this year, as I planned to take this fellowship online and as far deep into the community as possible, not just within the church and not just within the town.

If anyone wants to join me, either in fellowship or through support of any kind, please leave a comment or drop me an email at luftawrite (at) gmail (dot) com. I especially need input from single dads as to whether this would be of interest to you.

“Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself. Oh, I could choose not to move but I refuse.” ~ I Refuse by Josh Wilson (YouTube video)

If you landed on this page and aren’t sure if you are in the right place, I assure you — you are. There are no accidents or coincidences in this world. Like my decision to perk up and overhaul my previous blog, Crazy Mom’s Journal… In my frenzy, I pushed a few too many buttons a bit too fast and POOF. I killed it. Of course I didn’t do it on purpose, and you could say it was an accident, but I saw it as an opportunity to start fresh with something that better represented myself and my life.

If you are new to my world and don’t know me, know this — there are many things in my past that I spent the last year of my life trying to move forward from. These events, of course, were detailed in my last blog (which was about 4 years old) and were deleted from the history books as my blog died. As with all the other things I have seen slipping from my life over the last week, I realized that my blog held me back from where I was heading. It spoke of a past that deep down I was holding onto. It’s not who I wanted to be anymore, but it was who I reflected on to see where things in life took the proverbial wrong turn.

It’s a myth, you know. There are no wrong turns in life. From the moment we’re born, we are on a crooked path. We are all sinners, yes even me. Only God and the blood of Jesus can set our paths straight, and once we start walking that path it doesn’t do much good to look back (just ask Lot). Sure, history teaches us that to see where we are going we need to see where we have been, but God tells us to instead trust Him and walk blindly towards His will, leaving the world behind. So after spending two or three hours trying to revive my blog, I stopped looking back and started clearing the path ahead of me.

As for the other things that broke my heart this week — they were not coincidentally lost to me either. There is a purpose for everything, we only need to seek out the truth, look to the cross, consider His perspective. Jesus prayed, “Let your will be done,” but he also asked, “Why have you forsaken me?” Today as I was on my knees crying out to the Father, I felt the pain of Jesus in the garden.

You see, each night I have been praying for the Lord to do His will in my life. “I’m ready God. Use me. Do with me what you want, whatever it be. This is what I’d like to do, but I’m open and available for whatever you wish.” I have been doing this for months now. Perhaps in the day to day motions of life I forgot about my request, because I didn’t put things together when life started to get rough.

My babysitting/housekeeping job ended. My freelance writing work slowed down and money got tight. My friends seemed suddenly distant and I no longer had a support system to talk to about these troubles that were popping up left and right. At the same time, I saw other brothers and sisters in the Lord slipping in the wrong direction and I began to ache for them. (Not to mention the pain over watching events unfold in Haiti.)

As I was on my knees I remembered that Jesus wanted to do the work of the Father, and what was requested of him was painful. He willingly died for us. For me, for you. Yes, he was scared; in his last hours he asked the Father if there was any other way, let it be. But there wasn’t. Dying was God’s plan, and it was a good one. It saved us all. He has a plan for all of us too, and this morning, in the moment I prayed “Why?,” I realized that I too was being prepared to help others. Single moms, like me.

The idea was planted like a seed back in October, and it has flourished since. I was going to start a ministry for Single Moms in the church, only I didn’t see how I could do it. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have a location. I don’t fit in with the women in my church and I don’t have the skills to teach. God knew better. He gave me more time by taking away my work. He gave me the freedom to make new friends as my current ones distanced themselves. He even introduced me quite suddenly to several single moms who could use this ministry. He gave me the unsolicited support of ministry leaders, servants, and other single moms in the church. He has prepared me for His work.

He has answered my prayer. He was answering it all along — I’m ready God. Use me.

And immediately, I thanked Him for His grace and mercy. His love and kindness. His ability to take a heart breaking moment, week, or year, and turn it into a catalyst to help other people who have been there… who are crying out desperately for love, hope, understanding. Or even just a hug and a prayer.

God has a similar plan for you. He didn’t just choose Jesus. He chose all of us. We are all catalysts for miracles; we only need to open our eyes, be willing to follow the straight and narrow path that salvation and His will leads us… and not look back.