• The single mom’s ministry I envisioned was turned down.
• My Bible College instructor mocked me in front of the class on the first day.
• A counseling session I attended did not go as well as I had hoped.

I realize that when great things are about to happen, that is when the devil does his best to stop you in your tracks. To take your ideas and put doubt and fear in your mind. I could have shook off those few events and kept moving along, but instead I felt beat down. You see, these weren’t the first three roadblocks or obstacles I had encountered since we started attending Calvary Chapel. The other things are personal and I don’t wish to share them; it’s easier to say that leaving the church had been on my mind for a while before any of the three things above happened.

I did stop going. I wasn’t sure where I should go, but all I knew is that suddenly I was greatly aware that the servant opportunities at Calvary Chapel weren’t not in line with where I felt God was leading me. He had prepared me for bigger and better things, and given me the strength and the desire to do them… but shut the doors in doing them where I was. So I moved on.

My kids and I are now attending CMA (Christian Missionary Alliance) in Paradise, and it’s nice. It’s a large church with what I presume is more income… so the programs and classes and groups and serving opportunities are plentiful. I’ve already met with one of the many pastors and joined a couple short term classes. I’m also getting ready to sign up for a Women’s Retreat that I am really excited about. The service is wonderful and the worship is even better. My girls seem to love their classes too, so I think as soon as I get involved in volunteering I will finally feel at home.

In other news, I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. What’s new, right?

Well, today’s service was about Joshua and his battles. I’m not sure how we got to this point, but the pastor mentioned how sometimes we are tempted with things that are good, or good enough… not realizing we need to be patient for what is best. One example is Eve. She was tempted with Godliness, but all God wanted from her was Obedience. Both are good, but what God wants for us and from us is better, and best. On my afternoon walk today, I started thinking about this concept more.

First I realized this could explain my battle between wanting to stay home and wanting to get a job. Getting a job with extra money would be a great thing… but maybe what is best for me is being with my girls right now. I have to trust that God knows what is best for me… and be patient in that. I think this lesson can teach me a lot about love, too.

Just last week I was in an awkward situation. One man expressed his interest in going on a date, while I was rather impatiently waiting for another I was more interested in to ask me. I admit I was sort of stalling one while trying to hint to the other that he better get a move on. LOL. Well, it has all worked out so far, as I have talked to the one I was waiting for and found out he was not ready to date or get involved in a relationship. It was another example of realizing that sometimes what I want is not necessarily what is best and what is going to happen.

When I pray to the Lord, I can let him know what my deepest desires are, but I still need to let Him know that I want what He wants for me… and that I’ll wait until He can give that to me. I will trust in Him and have no fear. That’s a hard thing to do! Yet, today I promised myself that if this other man truly wants to get to know me better, I will give him that chance. As of now, I have been scared. I don’t want to be hurt and I’m scared to trust. I suppose when a man is so forward, it makes me more afraid than if I were the one coaxing the situation forward. But what if he is what is best for me? I could be passing up the greatest plans God has in store for me. Of course it may end up not being what He has planned… but how will I know if I walk away in fear?

So whether it’s this man or another, I’m going to keep an open mind when it comes to opportunities that arise in my life… in love, in school, in work, in parenting decisions. I’ll pray and listen and trust and obey… but I’ll be sure not to be quick to judge a situation and what I think is best for me. Only He knows the glorious future in store for me… and I patiently await as it begins to unfold.

Diane